Sex Ed and Humor with the Dickerson Girls

As a former biology teacher, I've never really struggled with talking about or teaching sexual reproduction.  Kennedy and Taylor were born so close together that Kennedy didn't really ask questions other than "when will the baby come out" the entire time I was pregnant.  When I was expecting Blake, Kennedy didn't really ask a lot of questions, but one day she informed me that she knew "where the baby was going to come out".  Surprised, I asked where and how she knew.  I don't recall all the details, but ultimately, she knew and had good reasons.

Finally, Blake was born the week after Easter 2010.  Days before Blake was born, Kennedy began asking questions about why Jesus was a miracle.  In good parenting fashion, I told my 7 year old that it was because Mary and Joseph were not married, and that typically babies are born to moms and dads who are married.  She bought it without further question.  We had a healthy baby.  Kennedy knew the "secret" about how Blake came into the world without a scar on my abdomen.

Skip forward another year to summer 2011.  I shared with Kennedy that a family friend was expecting a baby.  She immediately asked when the young girl got married.  I explained that she was not married.  Her brain quickly recalled our former conversation and she asked, "So it might be another baby Jesus?"  Ummmm...not exactly.  So, at a young 8 years old, we had "the conversation" about sexual reproduction.  She took it all in and wrapped it up with "So, you and Daddy had sex to get Blake?"  I smiled and said, "yes".  She said, "So, you and Daddy had sex to get Taylor?"  I smiled again and said, "yes".  She took a deep breath and said, "So...(insert long pause)" and I said, "and, we had sex to get YOU".  She just shook her head.  It was an intense moment, but ultimately, I was glad to begin such an important conversation.

Skip forward three more years to today.  Here we are at Easter four years after Blake's birth.  Taylor is now 8.  We've not really been close to any women expecting children in years.  Taylor hasn't really asked questions other than this doozy in the car last fall.  Honestly, I've just not thought to take the time to open that can of worms.  Within the last week, we've had the "when little girls become young women" conversation.  Today, on the way to school Taylor made a comment about our cat "getting pregnant until she has kittens".  I explained that our cat, Knick Knack is already pregnant.  I didn't get into the details, but told her that girls are either pregnant or not.  There really isn't a process like she was thinking.  She accepted that fact without further question.

Tonight, Chad sent Taylor out to feed the cats (Knick Knack the female and Squeakers the male).  Taylor was outside for a few minutes, and I could hear her calling Squeakers.  Finally she came in and plopped down at the table beside me and asked, "So, will Knick Knack still have the babies if the male ran off?"

Obviously, Chad and I have more explaining to do in terms of sexual reproduction.  But honestly, how different would the world be if the female only had a baby as long as the male stayed by her side?

Daddy's Girls

All three of our girls have Chad wrapped around their little fingers.  Thirty little fingers.  Think about that.  That's a lot of little-girl fingers to take care of as "Chief Rule Maker" and "Heart Holder". 

I've shared with the world that I am (and always have been) a Daddy's girl.  As a mother now, I have a new respect for all the the time, energy, and commitment that my mother put into me and my brothers.  Mom did most of the work, but Dad got most of my credit--maybe it's nature, hard wiring, or likely just a gift from God.  Who knows? What I am sure of is that my relationship with my Daddy was an integral part of my "success" of getting to adulthood.  

Thinking back to those years in my life where so many young girls struggled and made poor choices regarding drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, etc., I often wonder how I made it through with relatively few, minor scars.  I've even considered my peers and their situations and outcomes.  Although none of us were perfect, my friends (from my teen years and beyond) and I made choices based on a respect and fear of disappointing the significant men in our lives.  Those of you reading this can relax, this blog is not a confessional booth.  I'll never tell when we....   

 Back to the point.

As parents to three daughters, Chad and I have had many conversations with each other and other parents with whom we respect.  We've spent countless hours discussing, thinking, and praying for wisdom and courage to raise our daughters in a way that will help them survive their childhood and teenage years without unnecessary heartache and regret.

I know that as the mother, I handle a lot of the day to day duties and running around for our girls.  Most often I get to referee the fights, clean up the messes, wipe the noses, and hand out the discipline.   However, Chad and I both know that as the Daddy, he is the first man of their lives.  That is a huge responsibility.  I can say that although I want to strangle him occasionally, he is the perfect father for our greatest blessings.   

Dads have a difficult job, but I believe that Daddies of girls have an extra tough job in today's world.  I just wanted to take the time to tell this Daddy how proud I am of what he does for each of our girls on a daily basis. 

 Here's a photo tribute to the awesome moments between the toddler girl, Blake, and Daddy over the last few weeks.  

Notice the "vomit mat" on the floor.  She was a sick little girl.

Yes, he was wearing a purple "amulet" to make her happy.

"Cratch my legs" 

"Throwed outta gear" according to the transmission mechanic.

As our girls get older, their relationships with Chad change.  This man is a genius at all of the stages we've encountered so far.  Stay tuned to see the photos of the other stages--stuck in the middle with Taylor and hormone raged tween with Kennedy.

Tough Questions from Girls

Today has been full of the most amazing conversations with my girls.  I'll get right to the point...

On the way home from school...

Kennedy:  Well, I think I'm going to break up with Mr.XYZ.
Me:  Really.  Why?
Kennedy:  Well, you know we used to be able to just talk about stuff and I could just say what I thought.  Now I kind of feel like I have to be careful because I wonder what he's going to think.  You know?  I don't want to make him mad.
Me:  Uh huh. (As I cringe because she cares what a boy thinks)  So you're worried about what he thinks about what you think?
Kennedy: Really, he said something today that I just knew was wrong.  You know when you hear someone say something that you KNOW is wrong, but you don't want to say anything because you don't want them to get mad at you?
Me:  Ohhh.  What did he say that you knew was wrong? (as I'm imagining something really philosophical and important that has me quite curious because this Mr.XYZ is a great kid from a great family that has values and beliefs very similar to ours)
Kennedy:  I heard him saying that Wylie is in the middle of town and that Middle School and High School are way out of the way.  Mom, you know that Wylie IS NOT in the middle of town.
Me:  I agree Wylie is on the edge of town, not in the middle, but do you really think that is worth breaking up about?
Kennedy:  Well, this is not the first time we've had this problem.
Me:  Really?
Kennedy:  Well, not about that exact conversation, but sometimes he says things, and I know he is wrong.  Before he was my boyfriend I would just tell him he's wrong, but now it just makes it too weird.  I think it was just easier before boyfriends.  You know, when we were all just friends and just told each other what we think?
Me:  Life is definitely easier before boyfriends.  I agree that you should take life easy in fifth grade.  But, maybe you could also consider that it's okay for your boyfriend to know what you really think?
Kennedy:  I still think I'm going to break up with him when I finally get the chance to talk to him again.
Me:  Well, you do what you think is best, but remember that he was your friend first and a real friend is nice and says things for herself, not through other kids.

We stop at the pound and see a mom dog with 5 tiny (born today) puppies.  We head on home and do homework, etc.  About an hour and a half later, we leave to take Kennedy to softball practice.

Taylor: Mom, you have to have a bull and a girl cow to make baby cows, right?
Me: Yes.
Taylor:  Mom, so if you don't have a bull and a girl cow then you won't get any calves?
Me:  That's right, Taylor
Taylor:  So, a boy bull and a girl cow can have a baby cow.
Me:  Yes, Taylor.  A boy bull can get a girl cow pregnant so that she can have a baby calf.
Taylor:  How exactly does that work, anyway?
Me:  I'll tell you exactly how that works, but not today in the car on the way to softball practice.
Taylor:  Oh.

So, I call Chad who was supposed to pick Kennedy up from softball practice on his way home from work.  I conveniently offer to meet him to let him take Taylor and Blake home while I wait for Kennedy at softball practice.  It wasn't really avoidance, but I'll admit after I had the plan I was kind of hoping that on the way home Taylor just might say, "Dad, how exactly does that work, anyway?"

On the way home from softball practice, Kennedy surprises me with some questions of her own.

Kennedy:  Mom, will you teach me how to drive?
Me:  No.  That's Daddy's deal.
Kennedy:  What do you mean?
Me:  I do bottles, diapers, and homework, but driving is Daddy's deal.
Kennedy:  So you just do bottles, diapers, and homework?
Me:  Well, I'll even do pads and tampons, but driving is Daddy's deal.
Kennedy:  You do boyfriends too.
Me:  Yes, I'll do boyfriends but driving is Daddy's deal.
Kennedy:  So, you're saying you'll do tampons and even boyfriends but you won't do driving?
Me:  Exactly (stated with great authority as I realized how ridiculous it must sound)

It's been an exhilarating, exhausting day as "Mom". 

Would He Share His Jacket?

Kennedy and I had a real "heart to heart" last week about boys.  She's a little shy about the subject, but definitely interested in more information. She mentioned a certain someone who she enjoys visiting with at school.  I asked her if he liked her too.  She shrugged her shoulders, grinned, and said, "I don't know."  We've spent time discussing appropriate behavior for young ladies and young men.  Specifically, Chad and I have tried to instill in her that it is normal to like boys.  However, it is not acceptable to be aggressive with boys.  It's such a fine line.  I want her to be confident, but not "that girl".  We've tried to model and point out other examples of chivalry and proper male-female interactions.  So, after considering what we've tried to teach her, I thought the "I don't know" provided an opportunity to pick her brain.  

Me:  If it was freezing cold outside, and you didn't have on a jacket but Mr.XYZ did, would he let you wear his jacket?

K:  I don't know.  My friends who are girls would because they always have two jackets.  They're just like me.  They forget to bring one home so they always have extra jackets in their lockers.

Me:  If I was standing outside in the cold, would Daddy let me wear his jacket?

K:  Of course!

Me: Why do you think he would?

K:  Because he's your HUSBAND!

Me:  Why else?

K: Because he likes you?

Me:  Because when you care about someone, you try to help. Daddy cares about my comfort and warmth.  And, because he's my HUSBAND.  

She kind of laughed and bowed out of the conversation.  I just giggled and thanked God that she was willing to talk about boys with me.  Although it is an exciting time as a mom, it is most definitely the scariest time I can remember thus far.

The next day when I picked Kennedy up from school she closed the car door, buckled her seat belt and said, "Well, I asked him."  I had no idea what she was talking about.  I said, "Asked who? What?"  She grinned and said, "I asked Mr.XYZ if it was cold outside if he would let me wear his jacket."  I smiled and said, "Well...what did he say?"  She said, "First he said he would, but then he said he wouldn't."  I was confused and said, "What?"  She said, "Well, he said he would but then he remembered that he dropped it in the ants the night before so he wouldn't want me to get ants all over me so he didn't think he would."  I smiled and asked, "So, what do you think that means?"  She blushed and said, "He probably likes me."

Again, I thanked God that she wants to talk about this delicate subject.  Again, I asked God to protect her heart and her innocence.  Again, I took the first opportunity to call her daddy and say, "Prepare yourself!  She is growing up!"

Cupid was at work on Valentine's Day.  Kennedy met me in the hall with a huge smile and a stuffed animal. After asking several questions, I figured out that a third party was involved in the conversation, but that this special guy is officially declared as "boyfriend".  Before the third party got involved in the situation, Mr.XYZ gave Kennedy a gift.  I had to ask what he said when he gave her the stuffed animal.  She looked irritated that I asked but then said, "He just handed it to me and said this is for you.  Happy Valentine's Day."

Mr.XYZ's no nonsense explanation of the gift made me giggle.  It touched a special place in my heart.  About 14 years ago, Chad gave me a gift.  It was a diamond ring.  He opened the box, pushed it toward me and said, "What do ya think?"    

Oh my!  My sweet little 5 pound, 14 ounce baby girl has become a young lady.  It is a bitter sweet time in our lives.  We don't have all the answers to these difficult questions.  However, she does have amazing men in her life, including her Daddy, Pa, Pops, and numerous uncles and friends, to watch and learn what she can expect from a young man.  How many other mothers can look their daughter in the face and honestly say, "I hope you eventually date and marry someone like your father so that you too can experience an amazing marriage"?