Parenting Tweens from Misery to Mermaids

There are many things about parenting that make me want to bang my head against a wall or just scream and walk away.  But, obviously the good outweighs the bad or humanity would cease to exist.  At the Dickerson house, we have many struggles and definitely don't have it all together like many of those other people with blogs and Facebook accounts.  Our daily struggles are real and real hard to appreciate and love.

One of our biggest daily struggles right now is the constant bickering and fighting among the girls.  Typically, Taylor is involved.  Yes, I posted about her mellow personality but that's only for "the real world".  At home, she can be quite the antagonizer.  And, in her defense, she is the middle child.  Kennedy is old enough to know that at her age (almost 12), it would be pretty ridiculous to argue with a 4 year old BADkid.  So, the 1147 times each day daily struggle is Kennedy vs. Taylor or Taylor vs. BADkid.

It's really amazing to m that at 6:00 A.M. each morning, when my oldest two girls have been awake for less than 45 seconds, they can find something to fight about.  Typically, it's one of them "in the way" of the other one.  They have an hour to get ready for school.  Neither of them requires more than 30 minutes total.  However, Taylor MUST be in the middle of the bathroom when Kennedy MUST be trying to put in her contacts.  Or if Taylor decides to eat breakfast first thing, she will definitely realize that Kennedy is in her seat at the table.  It doesn't matter, they are going to make sure that we leave home each morning with at least one "figure out how to get along" statement from an irritated mother.  I've grown as a parent--okay, maybe it's not growth, but growth sounds better than given up.  I just ignore them and pray that although they drive each other crazy, one day they will appreciate each other and defend each other when necessary.

And, guess what happened on Wednesday evening...

I asked Kennedy to do her chores before Chad got home from work.  In typical preteen fashion, she pretended to go through the motions.  As she was unloading the dishwasher, Taylor was reading through a Scholastic book order form.  Suddenly, they decided they could get along and share everything.  After several reminders to Kennedy that she had to do the dishes, I sent Taylor to her room to quit distracting Kennedy.  After redirecting Kennedy once again, I went out to the shop to check in with BADkid and Chad.

Upon my return to the house, I was greeted with a "Mom, look what we made up!"  Based on the excessive amount of giggles and smiles from both of them, I figured their project was probably video worthy.  And honestly, I wanted tangible proof to remind them that they DO love each other.

Amazing!  They can get along and work together when the goal is to avoid chores!  I've never truly appreciated the artistry of The Little Mermaid like I do now.

Kids in the spotlight--Tater

It's been quite a while since I updated the blog. Have no fear, we have been living our usual life of excitement and funny kid moments. Funny kid of the month is Taylor!

First of all, this kiddo is bright. She is not the typical 'overachiever' child of a teacher. She's more along the lines of the 'this kid drives me crazy because she knows the material, knows she does, and really couldn't care less about proving she knows it' child of a teacher.  For example, one year in school, Taylor's teacher contacted me to make sure I was aware that she had earned a grand total of ZERO reading points for the six weeks.  Typically that wouldn't be such a concern. However, Taylor had been reading all six of the weeks.  I picked her up from school and casually inquired about her lack of  points. It went something like this...

Me: Tater-nater, how was school today?

T: Good. Moma-nater, how was work today? 

Me:  Pretty good, but I got an email from Mrs. ABC. Do you have any idea what it said?

T:  No m'am, she didn't show it to me first. 

Me:  Well, how many AR points do you have?

T:  Right now?

Me:  Yes, right now. 

T: Right now, um, I don't have any AR points right now. 

Me: So, in six weeks you haven't ready any books?

T: Yes, I HAVE read about 4 chapter books. 

Me:  Well, why don't you have any points?

T: Because I haven't taken any tests. 

Me:  You do know why there are tests, right?

T:  Um, not really?

Me:  The tests are to make sure you read and understood the book. 

T: Mom, you know I read XYZ because I told you about ...  And, Mrs. ABC knows I read too because I told her about...  

Me: Taylor, I don't doubt that you are reading the books. But you MUST follow the rules and take the tests too. 

T:  Ok, but everyone knows that I can read!

That night, Taylor had to skip gymnastics. By the end of the next day, she had twice as many points as her goal for the six weeks.  If you've been around Taylor for even five minutes, you know that gymnastics is her passion.  If I had a dollar for every time I've told her to "stop flipping and flopping in the house" she would have a fully funded college fund.


Taylor is quick witted and a lot of fun.  She is also our most affectionate child.  She kisses everyone (when her sisters tolerate it) good night each night on her way to bed.  She also kisses my head and says, "I love you, Momma" each day as she gets out of the car at school.  Although much of her personality reminds me of myself...you know...patient, kind, calm....  Okay, the truth is that Taylor is Chad Dickerson through and through.  She is patient,kind, affectionate, and genuine.  This picture with Chip is the real Taylor Dickerson--big smile, open arms!

Taylor is very literal.  She received a ping pong paddle as a reward at school.  When I asked her about the rewards and prizes she said, "Mom, they gave us a ping pong paddle.  That's just another paddle at our house!"  Honestly, yes, we do have a ping pong paddle in the car.  However, I can't even remember the last time Taylor felt the love on her bottom.  You can read about her other literal interpretations while in Washington D.C. here.

Taylor doesn't get stressed out about school.  She does well in her classes, but perfection is not her goal.  Sometimes I get irritated because it seems that she doesn't care.  However, I'm learning to accept that for Taylor, life is about enjoying the moment and living loud.  English teachers around the world may cringe with her definition of "fragments" but ultimately, the fragments of her short life are the things that make the Dickerson story better each day.

Dickerson Garden 2014

As a biology major, you would think that I would be less than mesmerized by the garden.  Obviously, I've got a pretty good grasp on photosynthesis and respiration.  However, the garden truly amazes me. 

This past spring, my Uncle Tim and Aunt Candy came by to visit on their way to "check the cows".  If you've never lived in the country, that is code for "we are bored so we go look at our cows in various pastures".  Seriously though, we discussed gardens, etc.  Several weeks later, Uncle Tim showed back up with his tractor and offered to "break up the land" for my garden.  Although we have access to my Daddy's tractor in the barn, I'm smart enough to capitalize on free labor by an expert.  So, Uncle Tim broke up the garden.  My cousin Bobby and Chad built a fence to protect the garden from the cows and various other critters. 

Finally, we were able to plant some "ongions" (according to Farmer Blake).  All five of us spent about an hour and lots of laughter planting an onion patch because Blake Dickerson couldn't grasp the concept of rows.  Several weeks after that, we planted squash, watermelon, okra, cantaloupe and various pepper varieties.  I peeked in on my very first garden fairly often.  The plants were growing slowly.  However, in the month of June, the garden has really grown.  We've had what I would consider to be an unusually wet June.  We've picked more jalapeño peppers than I can even begin to eat, freeze, give away, etc.  The tomatoes are in abundance as well.  The onions were either mediocre or terrible.  We really didn't have great luck with large onions this year.  The squash were kind of small initially too; however, with the most recent rain, we've managed to harvest a few grocery store size squash.   My cantaloupe plants died.  I think with our sandy soil and a few 4 year old footprints nearby, the roots may have rotted with the water pooled around them.

The mesmerizing aspect of the garden is the simplicity.  Seriously, we tilled up a small patch of sandy, nothing fancy land and planted less than $50 worth of plants.  We sprinkled a little fertilizer and made sure there was water when God wasn't providing that free of charge.  Other than that, we've done nothing.  In exchange for a few dollars and a couple hours of manual labor, we've been blessed with hundreds of dollars worth of fresh vegetables for ourselves and some to share. 

I tried explaining my fascination with the garden to Kennedy.  I was thinking it was going to be one of those bonding moments. She simply said, "Yes Mom, water and sunshine and chlorophyll make plants grow."  I remember feeling similar amazement when Kennedy was born.  We all know that egg plus sperm and 40 weeks makes baby.  But until you have actually experienced MAKING another human being, it's hard to wrap your brain around God's miracle.  The garden is my newest miracle. 

 I do love fresh tomatoes and bacon wrapped jalapeño peppers. But, I'd be lying if I said they were my favorite part of the garden.  Seriously, who can resist a girl in her panties and boots with the "garden bag" waiting on her big sister's approval to "pick dis one".

Sex Ed and Humor with the Dickerson Girls

As a former biology teacher, I've never really struggled with talking about or teaching sexual reproduction.  Kennedy and Taylor were born so close together that Kennedy didn't really ask questions other than "when will the baby come out" the entire time I was pregnant.  When I was expecting Blake, Kennedy didn't really ask a lot of questions, but one day she informed me that she knew "where the baby was going to come out".  Surprised, I asked where and how she knew.  I don't recall all the details, but ultimately, she knew and had good reasons.

Finally, Blake was born the week after Easter 2010.  Days before Blake was born, Kennedy began asking questions about why Jesus was a miracle.  In good parenting fashion, I told my 7 year old that it was because Mary and Joseph were not married, and that typically babies are born to moms and dads who are married.  She bought it without further question.  We had a healthy baby.  Kennedy knew the "secret" about how Blake came into the world without a scar on my abdomen.

Skip forward another year to summer 2011.  I shared with Kennedy that a family friend was expecting a baby.  She immediately asked when the young girl got married.  I explained that she was not married.  Her brain quickly recalled our former conversation and she asked, "So it might be another baby Jesus?"  Ummmm...not exactly.  So, at a young 8 years old, we had "the conversation" about sexual reproduction.  She took it all in and wrapped it up with "So, you and Daddy had sex to get Blake?"  I smiled and said, "yes".  She said, "So, you and Daddy had sex to get Taylor?"  I smiled again and said, "yes".  She took a deep breath and said, "So...(insert long pause)" and I said, "and, we had sex to get YOU".  She just shook her head.  It was an intense moment, but ultimately, I was glad to begin such an important conversation.

Skip forward three more years to today.  Here we are at Easter four years after Blake's birth.  Taylor is now 8.  We've not really been close to any women expecting children in years.  Taylor hasn't really asked questions other than this doozy in the car last fall.  Honestly, I've just not thought to take the time to open that can of worms.  Within the last week, we've had the "when little girls become young women" conversation.  Today, on the way to school Taylor made a comment about our cat "getting pregnant until she has kittens".  I explained that our cat, Knick Knack is already pregnant.  I didn't get into the details, but told her that girls are either pregnant or not.  There really isn't a process like she was thinking.  She accepted that fact without further question.

Tonight, Chad sent Taylor out to feed the cats (Knick Knack the female and Squeakers the male).  Taylor was outside for a few minutes, and I could hear her calling Squeakers.  Finally she came in and plopped down at the table beside me and asked, "So, will Knick Knack still have the babies if the male ran off?"

Obviously, Chad and I have more explaining to do in terms of sexual reproduction.  But honestly, how different would the world be if the female only had a baby as long as the male stayed by her side?

Look Mom!

I've recently blogged about the part of life in the country that I did not expect, but I truly love.  You can quickly visit that beautiful post here.  Apparently my enthusiasm about it has transferred to the littlest Dickerson.  Tonight, Chad and I were sitting at the dining room table catching up on the events of the day.  Blake pushed a chair up to the sink so she could wash dishes when she suddenly yelled, "Look Mom!  It's...".  You'll have to giggle through this 13 second video for just a tiny peek into the fabulousness that we get to call normal life.

So, how are the "fweng sets" where you live?

Surviving Life with 3 Daughters

People often say that they wish kids came with instruction books.  Don't worry.  I'm not going to try to create that instruction booklet.  However, I do have some secrets to surviving life with three girls while working and going to school.  Some of these tips are appropriate for life with boys, girls, or any combination.  Some of them are quite girl specific.  Here are five of my top ten tips. 

1.  I buy the appropriate size trash bags and leave the roll in the bottom of all the trash cans.  The initial set up maybe a little pricey because you might have to buy 4 rolls/boxes of trash bags at one time.  However, each time your child (hint, hint) needs to empty the trash, she can simply grab the bag, separate bottom from the roll, and prepare next bag to receive treasures trash.  I do know that it is much more economical to empty the trash into another bag rather than replace every bag every time.  However, I learned from experience that my kids can't manage to dump that trash INTO another bag without making a huge mess.  So, I've decided to budget the extra few bucks each year for enough trash bags to do it my way.

2.  We have a "pencil graveyard".  With three girls in the house, we have writing utensils everywhere.  Seriously, I got so tired of picking up and throwing away pens, pencils, map colors, crayons, etc.  Finally, after Christmas this year, I was walking through the house picking up loose items from the floor.  I happened to be holding a medium sized felt gift bag left from the holidays.  I casually started adding my finds (pens, pencils, etc.) to the bag.  Now when I find these things lying around, I hide store them for the girls.  The greatest things of all about this secret is that I NEVER have to pick up the same items twice!  Yes, I could still throw them away, but I am realistic enough to know that we will need $87 worth of school supplies in the fall.  My big girls are going to be so excited to get all their mismatched left overs back in zip-lock bags!! Shhhh!  Don't tell.

3.  I already mentioned my children and their genetic inability to put away writing utensils.  I assure you, I've done extensive research on their father for the last 15 years.  They have no hope of ever learning to put their things away.  I am personally just a little OCD about everything having a place and everything being in its place.  There's not a lot in this world that can make me mad faster than going to get something from it's place and realizing that it is not there.  My solution to protect the small items that I often need is my very own drawer.  I have a drawer in the kitchen that my children understand is a quick trip to death if they should even open it.  Before you get all offended, know that they have a drawer as well.  Both drawers were almost identically stocked.  Mine still has tape, scissors, pens, pencils, paper clips, etc.  Theirs?  Well, most of their writing utensils are in the "pencil graveyard".  I am happy to report that every time I need a pen, I can find it in its place in my drawer.

4.  All these girls have hair accessories.  Fortunately, all three of our girls have very different types of hair.  Kennedy, has thick, thick, t.h.i.c.k. hair.  She needs those large ponytail holders that are about as thick as a round shoelace.  Taylor has thin, thin, thin hair.  She needs those skinny ponytail holders.  Blake's hair is never brushed or styled.  No, seriously, I do spank her and make her sit still long enough for me to attempt to get her hair out of her face during the week.  For her super thin, fine hair we have to use the actual rubber bands.  You know the ones that look like the rubber bands that we used on our braces back in 1990?  Seems like it might complicate things to have to buy three different types of bands for hair.  But, can you imagine the number of ponytail holders that I find in the shower, bathroom floor, bedroom floor, living room floor, car, etc?  No one can claim "it's not mine" because they are each very distinct. 

5.  These girls are messy, hairy, hungry gals.  Yes, they even eat.  They are fairly independent.  None of them are allowed to use the oven independently, but they can operate the microwave, etc.  They each have their preferences for food.  I keep a magnetic grocery list on the side of the refrigerator.  Kennedy and Taylor both know that if they use all or nearly all of an item, it needs to be added to the grocery list.  Honestly, I don't always buy what they write on the list because I prefer that they have more variety to their diet.  And for the record, they do not get to select and prepare their own food for every meal.  Breakfast, they are generally allowed to select oatmeal, cereal, etc.  They do prepare their own lunches for school but must have them inspected by "no you can't have 2 desserts" mom before they leave the kitchen.  I generally prepare the evening meals.  Therefore, the things they typically need to add to the grocery list include items such as "flower logurt" for Blake, "bretoes" for Kennedy, and "peprony" for Taylor.


Life is not always fun around here, but we manage.  We haven't mastered all the challenges of multiple kids and multiple jobs yet.  And quite honestly, I'm not ready for it all to be smooth sailing.  There are days that I would like for my kids to "get it all right", but I'm sure that they will only "get it all right" when they are in their own homes.  I'm not ready for that yet! 

Life in the Country is P-R-E-T-T-Y

Remember when I spilled the news that we were moving to the country?  I had a short list of things I wanted to do in the country that you can read about here.  One of my favorite country activities wasn't on my list because I was oblivious to the possibility.  I'm not a huge fan of cooking, but it has become on of my favorite times of the day during the week.  See, when I go to the kitchen and look out the window, I see the most amazing sight.  I keep the camera handy so I can run out on the back porch and snap a few pictures to share.  Here are some of the most recent ones that I have taken.  All of these have been taken since January 16, 2014.  These are simple snapshots.  No fancy editing. No fancy training.  Just point and shoot. Be jealous, or just come hang out on the back porch with us!

 

Kennedy stopped hitting to pose with the awesome backdrop

BADkid, Tater, Knick Knack and Kennedy's ghost

The latest "big news"

Well, the latest in the Dickerson household can be found at the following site...


Big News!


Be warned, it's really not that exciting.

Daddy's Girls

All three of our girls have Chad wrapped around their little fingers.  Thirty little fingers.  Think about that.  That's a lot of little-girl fingers to take care of as "Chief Rule Maker" and "Heart Holder". 

I've shared with the world that I am (and always have been) a Daddy's girl.  As a mother now, I have a new respect for all the the time, energy, and commitment that my mother put into me and my brothers.  Mom did most of the work, but Dad got most of my credit--maybe it's nature, hard wiring, or likely just a gift from God.  Who knows? What I am sure of is that my relationship with my Daddy was an integral part of my "success" of getting to adulthood.  

Thinking back to those years in my life where so many young girls struggled and made poor choices regarding drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, etc., I often wonder how I made it through with relatively few, minor scars.  I've even considered my peers and their situations and outcomes.  Although none of us were perfect, my friends (from my teen years and beyond) and I made choices based on a respect and fear of disappointing the significant men in our lives.  Those of you reading this can relax, this blog is not a confessional booth.  I'll never tell when we....   

 Back to the point.

As parents to three daughters, Chad and I have had many conversations with each other and other parents with whom we respect.  We've spent countless hours discussing, thinking, and praying for wisdom and courage to raise our daughters in a way that will help them survive their childhood and teenage years without unnecessary heartache and regret.

I know that as the mother, I handle a lot of the day to day duties and running around for our girls.  Most often I get to referee the fights, clean up the messes, wipe the noses, and hand out the discipline.   However, Chad and I both know that as the Daddy, he is the first man of their lives.  That is a huge responsibility.  I can say that although I want to strangle him occasionally, he is the perfect father for our greatest blessings.   

Dads have a difficult job, but I believe that Daddies of girls have an extra tough job in today's world.  I just wanted to take the time to tell this Daddy how proud I am of what he does for each of our girls on a daily basis. 

 Here's a photo tribute to the awesome moments between the toddler girl, Blake, and Daddy over the last few weeks.  

Notice the "vomit mat" on the floor.  She was a sick little girl.

Yes, he was wearing a purple "amulet" to make her happy.

"Cratch my legs" 

"Throwed outta gear" according to the transmission mechanic.

As our girls get older, their relationships with Chad change.  This man is a genius at all of the stages we've encountered so far.  Stay tuned to see the photos of the other stages--stuck in the middle with Taylor and hormone raged tween with Kennedy.