Four daughters?

Most of you consider me the mother of three girls. However, actually, I have another daughter. Stop. Wait. Think. Do not place a call into the rumor mill. This daughter is actually about 11 years older than Kennedy. She came into my life in October of 2007. This daughter did not enter my life in the typical fashion. Instead, she walked through the door in room 151, sat in a desk in the middle row, opened a spiral, and began doodling. She was very quiet and timid.

A few days later, she began to come to my classroom during her lunch period (on the few days she actually came to school). We sat and talked. I am not sure why she chose me, but she did. She gradually began to share tiny pieces of her life with me. She was a miserable, hurting sixteen-year-old precious little girl. The details are not important, but essentially, she became a part-time Dickerson. I am not sure what she would say about it all now, but being "Dickerson" came with good and bad experiences. Some of my favorites were sitting at the dining room table WITHOUT a cell phone to have a meal with the family, camping in a tent at the deer lease, and being forced to attend church if she stayed over Saturday night.

Within a few months, this sweet young lady had truly become one of us. Kennedy and Taylor adored her, although she was terrified of them! Chad and I prayed for her, attempted to mentor her, and loved her as our own.

In a Lifetime movie, this is where I would say that we loved her enough to "fix" her world and everything in it. Well, this is not a Lifetime movie. In real life, her world was spinning out of control. My life was spinning right along with hers because I truly did want to "fix" her and her world. I was not able to fix her world, but I was able to hold her, cry with her, and love her. At one point, it truly looked to be impossible. I cannot even imagine how it must have felt from her perspective. However, she is resilient. She slowly began to put things into place. She walked some long, dark roads alone in order to improve her life. She made choices that were in direct opposition to the opinion of immediate family members who do not appear to value things such as education and emotional or financial independence.


At the most difficult point in this journey, I was unable to talk directly to this precious girl. I even doubted whether my "help" had been any help at all. However, her gift of words made it clear to me at that moment that we were put here to help each other. You know how moms save those sweet little notes and drawings from their little kids? Well, this "sweet little poem" is as dear to me as the tiny footprints of my biological children. She wrote...

I don’t know how I made it before you,
So I don’t know how I’m surviving now,
Maybe it’s just the thought that you care,
That keeps me moving forward, somehow.

Sometimes I can’t fall asleep at night,
And I need someone to talk to,
I pick up the phone and then put it down,
When I remember that I can’t call you.

Sometimes I’m crying because I’m alone,
And I remember that you can’t be there,
And I think you shouldn’t waste your time on me,
You don’t have to, so why do you care?

I know I tell you all the time that I love you,
And I tell you how much you mean to me,
But I don’t think I could ever tell you enough,
I just don’t want you to forget it, you see?

I want you to know that you mean a lot to me,
And I don’t know how else to say,
I love you alot, and don’t forget,
You’re really the reason I made it today

She is doing it. She is making a better life for herself. She is enrolled in college. She is pushing through even when the courses are tough, and it would be easier to quit. She is also working when it would be more fun to be a college kid and party. Graduation with an Associate's Degree is on the horizon. I am so proud of her.

Most importantly, she allowed me to be present when she made a public profession of faith through baptism. I was so proud of her. I was excited for my other three girls to be present to see such a happy moment in her life. I was giddy. Chad was too.

This daughter of mine is special. She is a fighter. She is smart. She is pretty. She is a gifted writer. She is an inspiration to me.

Sweet, sweet girl, I am so proud of you. I am unbelievalby blessed because you chose me. I love you.